How to talk to your friends about their student debt

By Carolyn Morris | Published on October 21, 2025

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If there’s one thing worse than student loans, it’s listening to your friends complain about their student loans. We’re only kidding a little bit: In the best of cases, the constant grumbling of an indebted friend is merely annoying. In the worst of cases, it can be heartbreaking. If you have a friend who’s struggling under a mountain of debt and just doesn’t see a way out, it might be time for an intervention.

A word of warning: student loan debt is an extremely sensitive subject for many people. Some folks feel a deep sense of shame about their debt and might be too embarrassed to talk about it. Others might feel angry or jealous if you had less student debt or a much higher starting salary than they did. So, it’s best to proceed with caution. Broach the subject the wrong way, and it could create tension in the relationship. But do it right, and you could save someone you love from years of stress and financial hardship. Here’s how to talk to friends about student debt.

How to bring up the topic of student loan debt

Before you reach out to your friend, remind yourself that millions of Americans have student loan debt. Millennial borrowers have more than $40,000 in student debt on average while Gen Zers have nearly $23,000. Not only is student loan debt fairly normal — it’s also no one’s fault. Some borrowers never received any personal finance education in high school and didn’t know how to navigate the financial aid process effectively. Others didn’t qualify for federal financial aid and/or didn’t receive any monetary help from family members. Higher education is extremely expensive, and many college students simply aren’t equipped to handle the financial hurdles. But now, none of that matters; what’s past is past. All you and your friend can do now is find a way to move forward.

Keep all this in mind and approach the topic with empathy. Remember: Your job here is to be kind and gentle. Remind your friend that you care about them, and that this is coming from a place of love — you’re simply extending an offer of support in a tricky situation. Try to keep your tone of voice kind and curious, rather than preachy or patronizing.

Here’s an example of some wording that might work, depending on your friend and your relationship to them:

“Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something that might be a pretty sensitive subject. First off, please understand that I’m only bringing this up because I love you and I’m worried about you, and you can absolutely tell me to get lost if it’s none of my business. But I’ve heard you bring up your student loans a few times. It seems like they’re causing you a lot of stress and affecting your ability to do the things you love. Would you be open to talking about them? And maybe we can come up with a plan together?”

If they reject your offer, drop the subject. They might not be in a place where they can receive your advice right now, but at least they know you’re there for them if they need it in the future.

Talk to your friend about their options

If your friend is willing to accept your help, the next step is to sit down with them and figure out the extent of the problem. If you’re a math whiz and they’re willing to share some hard numbers — like their monthly student loan payments, interest rates, total amount of debt, and loan terms — start a spreadsheet and get all that on paper. From there, you can figure out how long it will take them to get out of debt with their current payment plan. (You can use a student loan calculator to help with this step.) Then, discuss what the future looks like if they stick to this trajectory. Ask them how their debt might affect their ability to reach other financial goals — like saving up for a house, marriage, grad school, or a new car.

If your friend feels too embarrassed to share hard numbers, don’t press them. Instead, discuss what options remain available to them. Here are a few to consider.

• Smart budgeting: Ask your friend if they have a budget spreadsheet. If they don’t, help them make one. Figure out where their money is going each month. Then, see if there are any areas where they could trim spending, freeing up more cash to put toward their student loans.

• Student loan consolidation: If your friend has federal loans, they might want to consider consolidating them through the federal government. Student loan consolidation is a tool offered through the U.S. Department of Education. It allows borrowers to combine multiple federal loans together into a single lump sum. Borrowers can also use consolidation to extend their loan terms, reduce their monthly payments, and potentially get on an income-driven repayment plan that could lead to loan forgiveness. (However, it’s impossible to get a lower interest rate through consolidation; the only way to do that is through refinancing. Federal consolidation also isn’t available for private student loans.)

• Refinancing: With refinancing, your friend finds a new lender who’s willing to pay off their existing loans for them. If they have a decent credit score and a strong history of on-time payments, they might be able to score a lower interest rate this way. If they do, it could lower their monthly payments, reduce their loan term, and/or help them get out of debt faster. Refinancing is generally recommended for private loans; federal student loan borrowers should consider consolidation first, since it keeps them eligible for federal borrower protections.

• Taking on a side gig: If your friend is already on a tight budget, it’s possible that boosting their income is the only way to aggressively pay down their loans. See if they can take on a weekend job, a nightly bartending gig, or some freelance work to bring in more money.

• Switching careers: If your friend’s monthly payment is eating up their entire paycheck — and they don’t have time for a side hustle — it may be time to consider switching careers. Ask what they’d be willing and able to do with their current degree.

• Looking for debt repayment assistance: Some employers — including many large companies, government organizations, and the military — offer student loan repayment assistance programs. Ask your friend if they’d be willing to apply to new jobs or even join the military for several years to get a hand in paying down their debt.

• Taking advantage of tax deductions: Make sure your friend is taking advantage of the student loan interest tax deduction, which lets them deduct from their taxes up to $2,500 of the student loan interest they’ve paid in a given year if they qualify. The savings aren’t huge, but every little bit helps.

• Repayment via the snowball method: If your friend is making enough money to put a little extra toward their loans each month, it’s possible that the only tool they need is a strong repayment plan. The snowball method involves throwing extra cash at your smallest debt and paying that off first. When that’s done, put that same amount of money toward your next smallest debt until it’s paid off. This is a great way to build momentum and confidence.

• Repayment via the avalanche method: If the snowball method doesn’t appeal, try the avalanche method. This is another debt repayment strategy that involves tackling your highest-interest debt first. That could be your friend’s Parent PLUS loan debt, their credit card debt, or a high-interest private student loan.

• Declaring bankruptcy: In extreme cases, your friend might be able to apply for student loan discharge due to bankruptcy. Bankruptcy is tough to qualify for, but it can be a solution in cases of severe financial hardship.

How to come up with a concrete plan for tackling debt

Some folks deep in student debt might feel a bit defeatist. They might respond to your suggestions with excuses, complaining that refinancing is impossible with their credit score, or that switching careers would be impossibly difficult. Try not to get frustrated. Instead, validate your friend. Tell them you understand. Getting out of debt can be really difficult, and the state of student loan debt in America is unfair to tons of borrowers. Remind your friend of their goals, too: Yes, it might take some elbow grease and significant sacrifices to start moving forward, but becoming debt free is possible — and worth it — if they’re willing to take some baby steps now.

Once your friend has a menu of options to choose from, help them pick one and set some goals. Then, come up with some actionable steps. Say your friend wants to pursue refinancing. Hold them accountable by setting a few deadlines and writing them down. If today is March 1, your friend’s deadlines could look like this:

• By March 7, I will have researched five different lenders and picked three favorites.
• By March 14, I will have checked my rate with three lenders (prioritizing ones that offer free rate checks and promise no credit score impacts)
• By March 21, I will have filled out a refinance loan application, provided that one of the rates I’m offered is significantly lower than what I’m paying now.

Another example: Say your friend has decided that the only way for them to boost their income is to change careers. This process could involve obtaining a certificate to help them level-up their current degree, switching to a new field like real estate that doesn’t require a degree, or going into a highly paid vocation — like becoming an electrician, mechanic, or construction manager. For a career change, a series of actionable steps might look like this:

• By March 7, I will research three to five higher-paying careers I might be interested in.
• By March 14, I will reach out to five people in my network and schedule phone calls about how to get started in those careers.
• By March 21, I will look into free or funded training programs — including vocational programs, coding bootcamps, and paid internships — that might help me get started along my new career path.
• By March 28, I will have applied for ten jobs, internships, or programs that will put me on the right track to my new career.

Case study: One woman’s mission to save friends from student loan debt

Several years ago, Samantha Rosenbaum got frustrated that she was wasting hours on the phone with her loan servicer trying to get extra payments applied. She refinanced with Earnest and was relieved to find a repayment process designed to get her out of debt faster, not keep her on an interest treadmill.

Pretty quickly, Samantha realized her housemates and friends were equally frustrated — many had no idea what their interest rate even was, and were simply paying the minimum monthly payment (a recipe for debt that never goes away).

She found that people were scared to even look at their loan balance, to see a number that’s “more money than I’ve ever seen in my bank account, and now I owe it,” in Samantha’s words.

Samantha decided the only way to get out from under her debt was to face it head-on. So, she printed out the number, taped it to her mirror, and worked hard to pay it off as fast as possible. Then, she shared her story on Facebook, and answered the questions that popped up in the comments. Since then, she’s helped several friends refinance and get their own student debt under control.

Inspired to share your own story? Here are Samantha’s top tips:

• Make it personal when posting — share your student loan story and offer to help people
• Don’t assume everyone knows as much as you do—or even what refinancing is

Individuals portrayed as Earnest clients are actual clients and were compensated for their participation. Results may vary.

About the Author

Carolyn Morris

Carolyn is a content marketer and editor who specializes in financial services. With over a decade of experience in the financial services industry, Carolyn has a passion for demystifying the loan application and repayment process for students and their families.